Trying to Conceive

As a young girl, I used to dream about one day becoming a mother and I would always tell people that I wanted 4 children.  I would have 2 of my own and then adopt 2.  (Reality: 4 bonus children and 1 of my own but not to far off, I guess 😁). I have to admit, it was exciting planning my life as to how I thought it would be.  WHOMP-WHOMP!  Life happened and reality set it and I, like so many other women had to experience, stress, pain and heartbreak while trying to get pregnant.  For those of you who do not know, it takes the average young couple 4-6 months to conceive, with approximately 85-95% getting pregnant after one year of trying (Mcguinness, 2018).  Now add medical health issues and age to the mix and your chances of getting pregnant fast continue to decline.

But before you rush to go make an appointment with a fertility specialist there are a few things you can try to consider on your own.  And just like everyone else we went to the internet to start our searches.

For those trying to conceive you already know that sex can turn into planned intercourse that is not always fun.  You are checking a thermometer, watching the calendar and counting days and narrowing sex down to the very last second.  That is NO WAY fun and exciting but choosing certain types of lubricants can help enhance the experience and help you to enjoy each other.  BUT not any ol lubriance will do.  Those warming lubricants are probably a No-No and you want to be sure to find a lubricant that is sperm friendly such as Pre-Seed, somthing that will not harm or kill sperm.  Clinical studies show that Pre-Seed is a sperm-safe lubricant, which is a benefit over most lubricants (Try whatever you want, just listing this as a suggestion).  According to Mcguinness (2018),  Texas fertility specialist Jerald Goldstein, MD, states that vegetable oil is a safe and effective lubricant that has no effect on sperm.

Take a look at increasing or starting vitamin supplements.  I always took vitamins as a child so increasing my vitamin intake was not an issue for me.  Once again I went to the internet and did a search looking for vitamins that would be beneficial to couple's trying to conceive.   I was used to daily vitamins such as multivitamins and taking the hair, nail and skin pills (love the the gummies) but after searching the internet I also added Fish oil to my daily vitamins because of the omega-3, folic acid, vitamin B.  I did not take Zinc but according to multiple websites it is considered one of the most important minerals for conception and pregnancy (Mcguinness, 2018).  Sarah Yang lists 10 different vitamins that help with conception (click here) so I hope that you find these helpful.  On Sarah's list antioxidants are mentioned and if you  browsed through some of my other blog posts you will see that I did increase my antioxidants but only after my physician instructed me too.  However, I did not purchase or intake any supplements for antioxidants, instead I increased eating berries. Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, cranberries and raspberries, anything with berries according to my physician.  But that was short lived for me so I went to my local Sam's Club and happen to stumble across,  Bai Antioxidant infusions (yes the funny commercial with Justin Timberlake).  These worked perfect for me so I began buying them by the case.  Now there are other alternatives to the drinks or supplements for antioxidants, Ryan Raman (2018) lists 12 healthy foods high in antioxidants.
1. Dark Chocolate
2. Pecans
3. Blueberries
4. Strawberries (ate lots of them in my salads)
5. Artichokes
6. Goji Berries
7. Raspberries
8. Kale (ate kale in smoothies & salads)
9. Red cabbage
10. Beans
11. Beets
12. Spinach (ate spinach in smoothies & salads)

Let me say that I am no physician and have never been to medical school.  My blog is simply sharing my story in hopes to inspire, encourage and motivate someone else to keep moving in their journey.  I say that to say my next suggestion is one of personal experience, Chinese Herbs.  While searching the internet I came across the site, Fertility Formulas (twitter page here).  I was given a free consultation and moved forward with purchasing some of the herbs.  Also for women with Endometriosis I would suggest looking into Chinese Herbs because they worked wonders for us!!! Pain I had suffered through for 2 decades was non-existent while taking these herbs.  SERIOUSLY!!! No pain.  Unfortunately for us we had other health issues by the time we reached this chapter in our story and required 2 additional surgeries before conceiving but I would personally recommend you looking into Chinese Herbs, researching it or even scheduling a consultation.


I'm sure there are other things that women are doing to get pregnant and would love to hear about them. Please add to the comments

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What NOT to say to your childless friends

More and more, Women are choosing not to have children  whether it is career driven or not it is their personal choice however, that is NOT always the case.  So many women want to have children and most of the time they start trying and that is when they find out something is just not right.  I used to get so SICK of that, “Well what are you waiting on”, “You know you are not getting any younger”, “What is taking so long”, or my all time worst, “Ya’ll been married about XX years and ya’ll still don’t have any kids.  It took me a long time to really realize that the so called normal question of, “do you have any children” was a part of building relationships and friendships and that some people were just trying to get to know me but deep down I was dealing with my own insecurities and had to learn to NOT be offended by that one question.  Now the others often came from people who already knew me and honestly it would drive me bonkers.  And just like any other women trying to conceive with health issues would do, I would grit my teeth and say, “whenever God says so” or “whenever it happens” (while wearing a fake smile and killing them softly with my eyes). 👀

Nonetheless, it was my own internal issues that I had to overcome and overtime I did.  I had to learn that not everyone’s life journey will be the same and that is no one’s fault.  We have to play the hand in life that we have been dealt, no matter good or bad.  And that’s not to say that some people who knew my situation weren’t mean or rude purposefully because that happened as well.  I have had comments made towards me about expensive purchases and vacation travels because, we didn’t have children and we could afford them.  When honestly there is a thing called savings, travel agents and planning ahead.  I was even a part of a joke with the person making a statement about having a working reproductive system opposed to mine.  Well at this time, I was so in shock I didn't have a response but instead was offended to the high heavens and hurt beyond words.  But MOST of the time, people really truly cannot relate to your struggle and that is okay, many times in life and with all situations you can share a story or hear a story but until it’s you or someone you care deeply about that is affected most of the time you cannot relate.   And not to say many people do not have empathy, yes they do but they still cannot relate. 

I did a search on the internet looking from some of the worst comments a person can say to a women without children.  Check them out below and feel free to view some of the answers to these questions here and add some of your own in the comments.  Thank you!!

What a bad decision

Now that I have children, my life has true meaning

You’re a crazy cat lady in training

You think you’re tired?  You don’t know what tired is

You’re being selfish

You’ll change your mind when you meet the right man

What are you waiting for

Your mom had you

Your’re missing out on one of the best things in life

Tick Tock

It’s a mom thing

That’s a shame.  You might regret it

What’s wrong with you

The size of that house and just the two of you?  It’s a waste of space

But you would be such a great mom

Just find a donor and have kids.  I’ll babysit

You think you don’t want children, but once you have them you’ll change your mind

Don’t wait too long

You’d better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will

You don’t have children, so you won’t understand

You don’t know what real love is

Wait until your biological clock kicks in

Aren’t you worried there’ll be no one to look after you when you’re old

What will you do with yoru life

Are you even a woman

You don’t want them or can’t have them

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