Supporting loved ones with infertility, it can be done

When my husband I got the news that we were expecting, not only were we ecstatic we also made the decision not to share our news until we were passed the first trimester.  During our time of extreme bliss we had close friends and family that were experiencing their own hardships from infertility, miscarriages and SIDS. 

To be perfectly honest, I was not prepared as to how to handle sharing my exciting news with them knowing their one true desire was to become parents.  One situation I played over and over in my head and for the life of me I could not pick up the phone.  I just could not share that I was expecting knowing they had just lost their child.  We went a little over a year without speaking to each other and although I would have liked to handle it differently it's a decision I do not regret.  I do know and understand how people can want to be happy for others but yet their own personal situations can be so devastating that they can not truly share in your blessings.  This was just one of those things that I had to just let play itself out.

With some of the others I found myself wanting to soften and cushion the blow so I called to tell them the news to allow them time to process and be prepared when the big announcement was made to the entire family.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to share your news but when it comes to friends and family that are suffering with becoming parents it can be an emotional roller coaster for them but that does not mean they are not happy for you.  YES!!! You are excited, thankful and blessed as you should be.  So celebrate but being sensitive and checking on your loved ones during their difficult times is also important.

Not sure if many are aware but 1 in 8 couples and close to 16% of women face challenges related to fertility along with 15-20% of pregnancies end in loss or miscarriage (Kirmayer, 2018).  You personally may not have been affected but someone you know may be suffering in silence or they know someone who is, so sensitivity and compassion is key.


I found an article that goes more into detail as to "Supporting a Friend Through Infertility" written by Miriam Kirmayer.  Below are a few highlights in the article but please click the link above to see the full article that goes into great detail as to how you can help your loved ones.

1. Recognize the uniqueness of your friend’s experience.
2. Know it’s not your place to problem solve.
3. Watch out for triggering language.
4. Balance optimism with realism.
5. Understand their need for space.
6. Be sensitive when sharing your own news.

• Give fair warning. 

• Focus on feelings. 

• Recognize and respect their need for time.

• Take care of yourself.

• Continue your thoughtfulness.

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Support for Couples

A few days ago, I attended a health fair and to my surprise there was a vendor table on fertility support.  I thought this was absolutely amazing because this is not something you see everyday and I have attended quite a few fairs and have never seen information on fertility services.  I just think it is awesome that more people are talking about fertility and making the public aware of opportunities and what options are available and hopefully overtime fertility can be a conversation that people can have without embarrassment or judgements.

ANY WHO... I stopped by the table and picked up some materials that I thought would be great for me to share here on my blog.  There was a nice booklet (upload later) from Natural Family Planning (NFT) that had tons of great information and additional options that could be helpful to couples for finding the right type of plan for their family.  But NFT also has an INFERTILITY SUPPORT MINISTRY that works with couples that are facing fertility challenges.

Is this NOT amazing???   Along my journey, I have met couples that have been open to sharing their stories but then I have met couples that are not in that place where they want to share something so intimate with others.  I think NFT is a great opportunity for couples no matter what your preference just as another avenue to travel.  You never know, one conversation could offer suggestions that you may have never thought about.  I know many times it is not easy to talk with those we love because many times they can not relate to the struggle of conceiving.  Or maybe you have talked your loved ones ears off and don't want to keep bothering them.  NFT is there for you.

Visit their website at www.stlouisnfp.org, they are on facebook, twitter, instragram and youtube.   They also have a newsletter that you can sign up to receive.

I have also attached pictures of the materials I gathered from the fair.  I hope this information was helpful and please pass it along to someone if you cannot benefit from it.

Thanks!

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