To be perfectly honest, I was not prepared as to how to handle sharing my exciting news with them knowing their one true desire was to become parents. One situation I played over and over in my head and for the life of me I could not pick up the phone. I just could not share that I was expecting knowing they had just lost their child. We went a little over a year without speaking to each other and although I would have liked to handle it differently it's a decision I do not regret. I do know and understand how people can want to be happy for others but yet their own personal situations can be so devastating that they can not truly share in your blessings. This was just one of those things that I had to just let play itself out.
With some of the others I found myself wanting to soften and cushion the blow so I called to tell them the news to allow them time to process and be prepared when the big announcement was made to the entire family.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to share your news but when it comes to friends and family that are suffering with becoming parents it can be an emotional roller coaster for them but that does not mean they are not happy for you. YES!!! You are excited, thankful and blessed as you should be. So celebrate but being sensitive and checking on your loved ones during their difficult times is also important.
Not sure if many are aware but 1 in 8 couples and close to 16% of women face challenges related to fertility along with 15-20% of pregnancies end in loss or miscarriage (Kirmayer, 2018). You personally may not have been affected but someone you know may be suffering in silence or they know someone who is, so sensitivity and compassion is key.
I found an article that goes more into detail as to "Supporting a Friend Through Infertility" written by Miriam Kirmayer. Below are a few highlights in the article but please click the link above to see the full article that goes into great detail as to how you can help your loved ones.
1. Recognize the uniqueness of your friend’s experience.
2. Know it’s not your place to problem solve.
3. Watch out for triggering language.
4. Balance optimism with realism.
5. Understand their need for space.
6. Be sensitive when sharing your own news.
- Give fair warning.
- Focus on feelings.
- Recognize and respect their need for time.
- Take care of yourself.
- Continue your thoughtfulness.
