Supporting loved ones with infertility, it can be done

When my husband I got the news that we were expecting, not only were we ecstatic we also made the decision not to share our news until we were passed the first trimester.  During our time of extreme bliss we had close friends and family that were experiencing their own hardships from infertility, miscarriages and SIDS. 

To be perfectly honest, I was not prepared as to how to handle sharing my exciting news with them knowing their one true desire was to become parents.  One situation I played over and over in my head and for the life of me I could not pick up the phone.  I just could not share that I was expecting knowing they had just lost their child.  We went a little over a year without speaking to each other and although I would have liked to handle it differently it's a decision I do not regret.  I do know and understand how people can want to be happy for others but yet their own personal situations can be so devastating that they can not truly share in your blessings.  This was just one of those things that I had to just let play itself out.

With some of the others I found myself wanting to soften and cushion the blow so I called to tell them the news to allow them time to process and be prepared when the big announcement was made to the entire family.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to share your news but when it comes to friends and family that are suffering with becoming parents it can be an emotional roller coaster for them but that does not mean they are not happy for you.  YES!!! You are excited, thankful and blessed as you should be.  So celebrate but being sensitive and checking on your loved ones during their difficult times is also important.

Not sure if many are aware but 1 in 8 couples and close to 16% of women face challenges related to fertility along with 15-20% of pregnancies end in loss or miscarriage (Kirmayer, 2018).  You personally may not have been affected but someone you know may be suffering in silence or they know someone who is, so sensitivity and compassion is key.


I found an article that goes more into detail as to "Supporting a Friend Through Infertility" written by Miriam Kirmayer.  Below are a few highlights in the article but please click the link above to see the full article that goes into great detail as to how you can help your loved ones.

1. Recognize the uniqueness of your friend’s experience.
2. Know it’s not your place to problem solve.
3. Watch out for triggering language.
4. Balance optimism with realism.
5. Understand their need for space.
6. Be sensitive when sharing your own news.

• Give fair warning. 

• Focus on feelings. 

• Recognize and respect their need for time.

• Take care of yourself.

• Continue your thoughtfulness.

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Geriatric Pregancy

I can still remember the day I knew I was pregnant.  It was Mother's day, May 2016 and my first sign was my sense of smell.  I was able to smell everything good and bad from a mile away.  I recall pressing my face against the window trying not to gag on the cheddar/sour cream chips he shoved into his mouth 😂. I felt it in my heart but still needed my doctor to confirm which was about a week later.  I had one of the biggest, ugliest silent cries that you would see on movies right before the big wail came flooding the TV speakers.  YES! YES! YES! YES! I was jumping for joy until that moment I was told, "because of your age alone, you will be considered HIGH RISK in your pregnancy.

I instantly had old emotions flood me all over again and questioned myself as to being too old to conceive, carry and deliver a healthy child.  Was 37 really considered a Geriatric Pregnancy?  Just saying it out loud sounded like I was super old.  My doctor did discuss all of the risks that could be associated with a geriatric pregnancy and although I we experienced some of the risks (1) premature birth and (2) high blood pressure (near the end of pregnancy) we delivered a healthy baby girl.👶

What are the risks of a geriatric pregnancy? <-Click link for more information

Because a woman has the same eggs that she is born with her entire life, there is a higher risk of abnormalities during pregnancies that happen later in life. According to BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, some of the risks of advanced maternal age during pregnancy include:

• premature birth
• low birth weight in the baby
• stillbirth
• chromosomal defects in the baby
• labor complications
• cesarean section
• high blood pressure in the mother, which can lead to a serious condition called preeclampsia, and an early birth for the baby
• gestational diabetes, which also increases the risk of diabetes later in life